MtF: The Complete List of Everything You Need to Learn

When I first decided to transition from male to female, I (naively) thought that it was as easy as growing hair, getting some boobs and wearing different clothes. I’ve got a lot more coming on how (and why) I was so wrong, but today I wanted to share my rough and evolving list of everything you’ll need to learn and be able to do in order to successfully pass as a woman.

This list isn’t exhaustive, and not meant to be intimidating. But there is a lot to learn. And while you certainly don’t need to be the best at each of these things, but you’ll generally need to be as capable as a cis-woman. Realistically, you have to learn a set of skills that every genetic woman has had a lifetime to work on.

There is no timeline for how long it takes, but the more time you put in, the faster you’ll be able to successfully pass as a woman in most situations. Think years not weeks or months.

Looks

Looks are a primary, but not exclusive, way that people identify gender.

Makeup

• How to prep your skin for makeup
• How and what makeup to buy (there’s a ton!)
• How to pick the right color makeup
• How to apply color corrector
• How to apply foundation
• How to apply concealer
• How to blend colors
• How to accent/contour your face
• How to create eyebrows
• How to do your eyes
• How to do your lips
• How and when to touch up your makeup
• How to do subtle makeup (you can’t look like you’re going out to a club all the time!)
• How to go about your day without touching your face (this is really hard!)
• How to eat and drink with makeup on
• How to take your makeup off
• The hardest part? How to make your makeup look natural, instead of a looking like a guy wearing makeup 😜

Hair

• How to wash your hair
• How to prep your hair
• What tools and products you need to buy for your hair
• How to brush your hair
• How to blow dry your hair
• How to curl your hair
• How to make your hair look like you didn’t do anything to your hair
• How to keep your hair out of your face
• How to keep your hair out of your face but also as close as possible to your face
• How to not tangle your hair
• How to keep your hair looking decent throughout the day
• How to find a hair stylist
• How to afford a hair stylist

Jewelry

• What jewelry to buy
• How to wear earrings
• How to wear necklaces
• How to wear simple jewelry
• How to wear fancy jewelry

Clothes

Hahaha, clothes are a baffling ordeal. Good luck to you ma’am!

Bras/Underwear/Comfy Clothes

• What kinds of bras you need (you need many)
• What kinds of underwear you need (you need many)
• How to buy bras, and from where
• How to find bras that fit
• How to afford bras and underwear (seriously, why is this shit so expensive?)
• What to sleep in to keep from smashing your boobs
• What to wear around the house when no one will see you but you still want to feel cute
• What to wear around the house when you really don’t give a fuck
• What is the most comfy thing you can get away wearing in public

Work Clothes

• How to wear a skirt
• When to wear a skirt
• How to wear a dress
• When to wear a dress
• What colors to wear, and when
• How to look professional but feminine
• How to look feminine but not slutty
• What to wear to keep from sweating out in the summer
• What to wear to keep from freezing in the winter

Everyday Clothes

• What shirts to buy that don’t make you look like you have an enormous _______________ (chest, arms, neck, shoulders, wrists, stomach….)
• What pants/shorts to buy that don’t make you look like you have an enormous _______________ (ass, waist, thighs, calves, knees, hips….)
• What jeans to buy
• How to afford jeans (seriously, why is this shit so expensive?)
• What to buy when you don’t want to be noticed
• What to buy when you do want to be noticed
• What to buy to avoid looking like your mom and/or sister

Shoes

• How to buy heels
• How to buy heels that don’t make you look slutty
• How to avoid wearing heels
• How to walk in heels
• How to find a ‘cute’ shoe
• How to find shoes that don’t make your calves look enormous
• How to find shoes that are comfortable and cute
• How to wear shoes that don’t stay on your feet (monkey toes!)

Body

Hygiene

• How to shave your legs
• How to shave your armpits
• How to shave everything else
• How to tuck
• How to untuck when you have to pee
• How to moisturize
• How to afford all the moisturizers you need

Movement/Posture

• How to sit like a woman
• How to walk like a woman
• How to run like a woman
• How to sleep with breasts
• How to sleep ‘cute’
• How to keep your boobs from knocking into things, or things knocking into your boobs
• How to keep kids from always putting their elbows into your boobs
• How to do ________ like a woman (use a computer? That looks different when women do it!)

Everything Else

Emotions

• How to cope with sucking at everything
• How to cope with feeling like you’ll never make any progress
• How to cope with never having enough time to practice all the absolutely necessary things
• How to cope with being clocked
• How to cope with looking ugly
• How to cope with assholes
• How to cope with hopelessness
• How to cope with exhaustion from coping all the damn time
• How to make the feeling last when you finally catch a glimpse of the person you knew you could be

People

• How to respond to the person who is trying to figure out if you’re trans in not-so subtle ways
• How to avoid getting raped/killed
• How to avoid getting hit on
• How to get hit on by the person you want to hit on you
• How to tell your friends
• How to tell your family
• How to find a therapist
• How to find a doctor
• How to find a career coach
• How to find new friends

I’m sure I’m missing obvious things, so let me know what things you had to learn in the comments!